The Dexter Leader
A Heritage Newspaper
Weekly Publication
How grandparents raise their grandkids
By Daniel Lai, Staff Writer
PUBLISHED: April 10, 2008
Millions of grandparents are doing it all over again: raising children. But raising grandchildren is much harder than the first time around. Grandparents have lower energy levels, their discipline techniques can be outdated, their adult children often have serious problems and orphaned grandchildren suffer from profound grief.
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In an effort to reach out to the growing number of grandparents seeking support and advice, Catholic Social Services of Washtenaw County offers a free support group whose members cater to local residents and families.
"For the grandparents who actually know our services are available to them, the program can be highly successful," program coordinator Sue Monet said. "More grandparents than ever, as well as other relatives, are parenting, regardless of legal custody status, and often feel isolated and conflicted about parenting again. They say, 'It wasn't supposed to be like this.' Our program is intended to build a sense of confidence and comfort for those moving into a parenting role anew."
Monet said nationally, some 4.5 million children are living in grandparent-headed homes, a 30 percent increase from 1990, according to the 2000 U.S. Census.
"That's more than 6 percent of children in the United States," she said.
Monet said reasons for the growing trend include parents unable to raise their children because of drugs, alcohol and mental health problems, incarceration, divorce, child abuse and neglect, teen pregnancy, poverty, HIV/AIDS, domestic violence, military deployment and death.
"It's so sad," Monet said. "Some of these grandparents are dealt a double blow by finding themselves in the middle of a family crisis and then all of a sudden taking on the responsibility of raising a grandchild at home."
Founded in 1992, the Catholic Social Services Grandparents as Parents program, whose headquarters are based at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ypsilanti, has seen a gradual rise in county clients seeking out their services in recent years.
"I think if more people knew where we were and what we did, we would have a lot more grandparents seeking us out," Monet said.
According to the agency's adult older services manager, Joshua Hartman, the program currently services 120 clients from Ann Arbor, Chelsea, Dexter, Manchester, Saline and Ypsilanti. However, in a study released by the Michigan Office of Services to the Aging, in 2006, there were 3,573 households with the grandparent as listed as the primary caregiver.
"That mean's we're only reaching a small percentage of grandparents in our county," Monet said. "The biggest message we want to get across to people is that they are not alone."
Chelsea resident Ann Wright, who took on the responsibility of raising her daughter and son-in-law's children in 1989, said the program provided her with peace of mind knowing there were other families who were experiencing the similar circumstances.
"All the friends I had at the time already had kids who were grown, so they didn't understand why I would take on such a huge responsibility," she said. "They kept telling me, 'Why would you do that?' and it made me feel totally alone."
Despite struggling financially after her husband lost his job, Wright said she felt it was her duty as a mother to help her daughter.
"I wasn't going to let my grandchildren slip into the system," she said. "If I didn't take them, Protective Services told me they couldn't guarantee if I would ever see them again or whether or not they would be split up into separate homes."
However, Wright said nothing could have prepared her for the financial strain associated with the adoption.
"It's definitely a long road, especially financially," she said. "Like many others, we didn't know where to turn for help."
However, Wright said after helping start the Grandparents and Parents Support Group in Chelsea, she quickly learned about the myriad financial and counseling services available to grandparents.
"It's a wonderful program," she said. "Working with Catholic Services, we started finding out that there were resources out there to help us and then suddenly that fear of thinking the police would come any day and take the kids away, stopped."
Today, though her grandchildren are all grown up, Wright said she still helps out at the group's meetings, serving as a mentor to other grandparents.
"As someone who has gone through the depression and anxiety of not knowing, I feel I am able to help others cope," she said. "Taking on young grandchildren is a whole new world. Grandparents are having to reeducate themselves on a lot of different aspects because kids today are dealing with issues our kids never had to deal with."
Wright said as part of her crusade, she recently attended a legislative hearing on Senate Bill 170, a financial bill that could allocate more state-funded dollars to grandparents and other relatives caring for children.
"There are a lot of grandparents in our group who are caring for children with just the money they get from Social Security," she said. "I went to testify on this bill because there is a strong need for our state leaders to step up and support our youth."
However, Wright said the bill has not yet been passed by the Legislature.
"It's gone nowhere and it's really frustrating," she said. "These grandparents need this money now because we love our grandchildren and we don't want them sent away to a complete stranger.
"It's not right that they keep saying 'Our kids are important,' but then they ignore the fact that some children don't have a warm place to sleep or eat at night."
Deborah Simpson of Ypsilanti said the Grandparents as Parents program has had a significant impact on her ability to raise her 10-year-old grandson.
"It's amazing how welcoming the people in our group are," she said. "I needed someone to talk to and they have been there every day."
Simpson said she sought out help from the group beginning in February after taking full guardianship of her grandson.
"I was in the hospital and they brought me food and talked with me and allowed me to unload," she said. "It was so good to meet people who knew my language. Other people that don't go through family situations tend to give you a guilt trip and cast doubt in your mind about raising children all over again."
But Simpson said through the help of Grandparents as Parents, she was able to get financial, medical and moral support for her grandson.
"They are always asking me if there is anything they can do to help," she said. "I enjoy meeting with them every week and my grandson looks forward to it, too. I just wish we could meet more than once a week."
Simpson said she enjoys talking with other grandparents and sharing suggestions to help others in the group.
"I like listening and sharing because you don't feel like you are a lone," she said. "Everyone is open to sharing because it's so easy to share how you are feeling."
Simpson said one thing she has learned from the group is how to support her grandson emotionally.
"He's in counseling now and I have him enrolled with Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Washtenaw County. He's also involved with Boy Scouts."
Simpson said the group has also educated her on how to handle her grandson's reactions to the change in family life.
"He still has some behavior problems, but that is just all part of the process all these kids go through," she said. "Before moving in with me, he was failing school and now he has all A's and B's on his report cards."
Monet said watching families succeed is one her favorite aspects involved with the program.
"It's really a rewarding program to work for," she said. "These grandparents are heroes and we get to help them with the one thing that is most important in their lives."
In addition to counseling sessions, Grandparents as Parents social workers can provide free needs assessments, educational workshops on legal issues financial resources and mental health resources, among others.
Grandparents as Parents meets 12:30 p.m. the second and fourth Tuesdays of the month at Chelsea United Methodist Church. For more information, call 1-734-712-3625.
The group also holds regular meetings the third Wednesday of the month at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in the Senior Living Building in Ypsilanti.
Grandparents as Parents will hold a special information meeting from 10 a.m. to noon on May 13 at the First United Methodist Church in Chelsea.
For more information about the program, contact Sue Monet at 1-734-712-3625 or e-mail Smonet@csswashtenaw.org
Daniel Lai is an editor with Heritage Newspapers. He can be reached at 428-8173 or dlai@heritage.com.
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