The Dexter Leader
A Heritage Newspaper
Weekly Publication
Planning the end
Funeral preplanning a gift of peace of mind
By Crystal Hayduk, Special Writer
PUBLISHED: March 6, 2008
In 1789, Benjamin Franklin wrote, "In life there is nothing certain but death and taxes." But while we file our taxes by April 15 each year, relatively few people give little, if any, forethought to funeral arrangements.
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Even though a funeral is a formal ceremony that is part of the grieving process and helps people say goodbye, it can also be seen as a celebration of the life that was lived.
Making provision for one's own funeral is a gift of self-expression that can lead to peace of mind for all involved.
Chelsea resident Scott Riedel was responsible for planning and paying for his sister's funeral when she died unexpectedly three years ago. "All I knew was that the will said she wanted to be cremated," Riedel recalled.
When Riedel's mother died two years ago, he discovered from her will that she had already contracted with a funeral home and purchased a cemetery plot. However, she had not made arrangements with a church. With the help of an uncle, Riedel found a minister and planned the funeral.
As a result of his experiences, Riedel has already discussed his own preferences with his two sons.
Steve Bringardner, Pastor of Discipleship with Dexter United Methodist Church said he has encountered few who have planned ahead for their final arrangements.
"I can count on my fingers those who have given serious thought ahead of a funeral," he said.
It has been his experience that a funeral can be very intimate and meaningful if planned in advance, especially if family is involved.
Bringardner said a number of people face the dilemma of needing the services of a minister, but have no connection to a church.
He is sometimes asked to perform a funeral service for someone he doesn't know, Bringardner said,
"I try to spend time with the family to gather the essence of who that person was to make it more personal," he said. "We also try to provide ongoing care and support, because the funeral is just the beginning of the grief process."
Arbor Hospice, an organization for patients who have life-limiting illnesses, employs social workers to help meet the emotional needs of patients and families.
Pat Bauer is a field social worker who said that even in situations where a person's life expectancy is six months or less, people don't always talk about funeral plans.
"We don't walk in with an agenda, we wait for them to bring it up," said Bauer.
If a patient or family member broaches the topic, then the role of the social worker is to help people have the discussion about their arrangements following death.
Bauer said that it can sometimes be a challenge to balance the wishes of the dying with those who are left behind.
"It can be very beneficial for people to talk with families about basic plans or preferences that they feel strongly about," she said.
Beverly Slater learned about funeral preplanning through conversations with her brother. She decided to make her own arrangements, from choosing a casket to selecting Scripture readings and music for the funeral service, and she already has a cemetery plot in Minnesota near other family members.
Not only has Slater made her plans, but she has also paid for them.
"The money is invested and accruing interest," said Slater. "The way it works, everything I've planned will be covered."
Slater made her own arrangements to benefit her only child, Kathy, who lives in Oregon.
The two of them have discussed the plans, a conversation that Slater felt was not really difficult because "we understand it's coming."
"We're both believers and consider it 'graduating' to heaven," Slater said.
"All Kathy will have to do is call (Chelsea funeral director) John Mitchell and it will all be taken care of.
"It's a relief and a good feeling that my daughter won't have to worry about (planning) it," ADDED Slater.
Johnny and Mike Mitchell, of Staffan-Mitchell Funeral Home in Chelsea, said that despite the fact that their family has been in the funeral business for generations, they did not know what their grandfather wanted for his funeral when he died.
"He just wouldn't talk about it for himself, so when the time came, we did what we thought was best," Johnny said.
On the other hand, when their maternal grandmother passed away in December, she had made her wishes very clear in advance.
"Planning together definitely gets the family talking," said Mike.
For those who are interested in funeral preplanning, a funeral director can act as a consultant.
There are many aspects involved in peoples' moral and religious traditions, and the funeral director should strive to honor a family's loved one in a way that is respectful yet still work within the limitations of their finances, they said.
The Mitchells explained that a funeral director can help a family work through the specific financial considerations involved with life insurance benefits, trusts, Medicare and Medicaid that many people often don't comprehend, especially when grieving or in shock.
They strongly suggest that even when individuals have communicated plans verbally, it is still a good idea to have plans written down.
It is also wise to have multiple copies of the written plans, with one at the funeral home and others given directly to loved ones. Written plans should be kept in the same place as other important papers.
"Even though something has been set up, the legal next of kin will always have the final say," cautioned Johnny.
The brothers contemplated the many funerals in which they have participated over the years.
"It takes a lot of inner strength to talk about your own death," Mike said.
Johnny added, reflecting, "It's not easy. As hard as it is to talk about it when you're alive, it's harder to have people wonder about it later. 'Did we do the right thing?'"
Tips for Protecting Yourself and Your Investment
Get referrals for establishments from people you trust who have had a positive experience.
Know who you're dealing with - ask to speak to the owner.
Use a firm that has been in business for many years.
Do your homework - research your options.
Ask about cancellation and transfer policies. This is especially important for people who live part of the year in another locality.
Make multiple copies of written directions and keep them in several places.
Remember that safety deposit boxes are not generally available on weekends and holidays.
Discuss your wishes with family.
(Source: Staffan-Mitchell Funeral Home, Chelsea)
The high price tag of dying
Burial vault: $1,300-$1,800
Vault opening/closing: $1,000
Casket: $1,500-$7,000
Marker: $1,300-$3,800
Funeral home services: Varies
"It really depends on what kinds of service you want," said Kevin Jacobi of Hosmer Muehlig Funeral Chapel in Dexter. "The wisest thing in preplanning is, it locks in today's prices no matter when death occurs, whether 10, 20 or 30 years from now."
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